Doubts about Psilocybin and consciousness expansion

[OmegaShadow]

Hi, some time ago, I tried psilocybin with a goal in mind to expand my consciousness and gain more knowledge about myself and everything that surrounds me. I didn't go the way I expected, and instead I ended up having a pretty bad trip, with me almost throwing myself out of the balcony, which didn't happen thanks to the people that were supporting me in that experience. I have always been a pretty centered and calmed, but after this I have experienced some anxiety with occasional dark intrusive thoughts, things that I had never experienced in the past.

My question is, do psychedelics and mushrooms have the potential to really open one's mind to deeper layers of knowledge? On what depends the outcome and quality of the trip? Can these kinds of substances weaken or strengthen your consciousness?

I have so many questions, and thought that maybe someone here might know a thing or two about this.

Thanks.

[Caylus Ark]

Hi, some time ago, I tried psilocybin with a goal in mind to expand my consciousness and gain more knowledge about myself and everything that surrounds me. I didn't go the way I expected, and instead I ended up having a pretty bad trip, with me almost throwing myself out of the balcony, which didn't happen thanks to the people that were supporting me in that experience. I have always been a pretty centered and calmed, but after this I have experienced some anxiety with occasional dark intrusive thoughts, things that I had never experienced in the past.

My question is, do psychedelics and mushrooms have the potential to really open one's mind to deeper layers of knowledge? On what depends the outcome and quality of the trip? Can these kinds of substances weaken or strengthen your consciousness?

I have so many questions, and thought that maybe someone here might know a thing or two about this.

Thanks.

I'm sorry to hear that your only experience with psychedelics went that way, and I'm glad that you had loved ones around who were are to keep that bad trip from having even worse consequences.

Do psychedelics have the potential to open one's mind? Sure they do.
The way I like to try and explain psychedelics is sort of like a giant microscope or magnifying glass. Whatever things inside of you might occupy some dark recess of your mind most of the time, if you take psychedelics, that stuff is going to find its way center stage. At least, it's safest to make the assumption that it will.

I haven't done magic mushrooms since I was maybe in my early twenties, and I remember I took them that year with a childhood friend who had never done them. He had a lot of, well, repressed emotions around certain things from his past, his upbringing, ect. And most of his trip was him just coming unraveled about various childhood things. I'm sure that wasn't what he intended when he went into the trip. But, it's also not stuff that wouldn't have existed otherwise. It would have existed, it just might have continued influencing him unnoticed.

Shrooms can be an absolutely magical and incredible experience. But, if you have any doubts, it's probably not going to be worth the risk. There are many other ways to enhance consciousness, to see other realms of potentia and wonder.

But if you do ever want to try it again, some extremely important things:

Don't trip shrooms in a house, in an enclosed space, in an area that you need to be paranoid that you will be "found out", in an area that you don't have full access to explore if you feel that you want to (not allowed in certain parts)
DO trip shrooms in nature with other friends where people know where you are, with music, with plenty of open space, where you can be overnight if you wish

Don't trip with the expectation that you will find some specific thing, think in some specific way, or feel the desire to do a certain activity (say, don't set up art easels and plan to feel like drawing a picture)
DO accept that your trip will be a rollar coaster of both expected and unexpected sensations, feelings, thoughts, and realizations, sometimes good and sometimes bad. Don't hold your trip hostage to always being good. It is never going to always be good, and when you allow your trip to be bad, you gain a tremendous resilience.

Be very intentional with those who you pick as companions for this trip. There are never going to be people on a trip like this that feel extraneous or that you never notice. Nobody will be unobtrusive, yourself included.

Allow yourself an easy out of any situation you plan to trip in. Have a plan in mind for if you feel icky or things feel weird. Weed helps.

Anyway, whether or not all of this will/won't feel worth it to you to experience what a trip really has to offer, is a pretty personal choice. I do not regret any of the trips I had in the past, and there were some really bad ones. I also do not feel the need to trip anymore in my life necessarily. And I'm glad I had the trips that I had. But do you need psychedelics to enhance your consciousness? You do not need them.

I just think the biggest mistake one can make is the idea something like shrooms is an "easy" answer. It's not exactly easy. It can still be pretty hard.

[OmegaShadow]

Thank you for your insights, they're pretty on point and I wish I knew more about this when I took them. In retrospective, it wasn't a good idea to have this experience at home, living in a high story building, but it was recommended to me because it was supposed to be my "safe" place.

I have more questions, do everything that is experienced during these trips comes from the inside? Or can it be some external influences (entities) ? I ask this because my experience went through 3 different stages, which I share with some psychologists, but they couldn't offer much insight a part from them being a hallucination state due to the mushrooms:
1. It was me alone in the dark sensing something else that was kind of sleeping or hibernating and that wanted me to go, didn't want to be disturbed.
2. Me again in the dark (but I could see some weird spiral patterns), there was a different entity, this one wanted me to stay, was very insisting and tried to keep my attention focused on it at all cost. It was sucking me in, I was very tired physically and mentally in this stage.
3. At this point, I was feeling awful physically, started getting paranoid about losing my mind and wanted to stop. A lot of ugly feelings arose at the same time (shame, guilt, distrust, disgust...) and the idea that everything was an illusion was repetitive, at this point it was as if something else took control over me thinking it was a good idea to go off the balcony to end the illusion...

I could maybe understand the first 2 stages, but the last one was just too much for me to handle.

[Caylus Ark]

Thank you for your insights, they're pretty on point and I wish I knew more about this when I took them. In retrospective, it wasn't a good idea to have this experience at home, living in a high story building, but it was recommended to me because it was supposed to be my "safe" place.

I have more questions, do everything that is experienced during these trips comes from the inside? Or can it be some external influences (entities) ? I ask this because my experience went through 3 different stages, which I share with some psychologists, but they couldn't offer much insight a part from them being a hallucination state due to the mushrooms:
1. It was me alone in the dark sensing something else that was kind of sleeping or hibernating and that wanted me to go, didn't want to be disturbed.
2. Me again in the dark (but I could see some weird spiral patterns), there was a different entity, this one wanted me to stay, was very insisting and tried to keep my attention focused on it at all cost. It was sucking me in, I was very tired physically and mentally in this stage.
3. At this point, I was feeling awful physically, started getting paranoid about losing my mind and wanted to stop. A lot of ugly feelings arose at the same time (shame, guilt, distrust, disgust...) and the idea that everything was an illusion was repetitive, at this point it was as if something else took control over me thinking it was a good idea to go off the balcony to end the illusion...

I could maybe understand the first 2 stages, but the last one was just too much for me to handle.

Does everything come from the inside? Yes and no.
Psychedelic entities DO exist, in my view and in the view of many others.
There is absolutely a real connection to nature, too.
But with the entities, think about this. What entities are attracted to you, DO have to do precisely with what's going on inside.

It sounds like you had an existential dilemma....
something to ask yourself:
do you have a mortality complex? do you think those dark feelings still exist deep down?
I have found that most of my bad trips involved some existential dilemmas on MY part - stuff I'd buried.

So I would say, what comes from the inside attracts the things that are on the outside, it's kind of like a feedback loop.
In order to stay in the rider's seat in this case, you have to surrender the seat - that is, whatever sensations arise, whatever feelings, perceptions ect - you have to be able to simply observe them and let them pass. Non judgement. Every feeling, thought, a learning experience.

Did you trip with experienced psychonauts? If not, you may want one. A sober one (but who has experience tripping) to help you, guide you if you get off track, AND coordinate the vibes.
If you do decide to do it again, a good way to change a bad trip is to change your environment, put different music on, take a walk, change the vibe.

[OmegaShadow]

do you have a mortality complex? do you think those dark feelings still exist deep down?

I'm not sure what a mortality complex is but I have thought a lot about the purpose of life and the true nature of reality, maybe I have some unaddressed fears and concerns about this.

Did you trip with experienced psychonauts? If not, you may want one. A sober one (but who has experience tripping) to help you, guide you if you get off track, AND coordinate the vibes.

I was with experienced people but my reaction took them by surprise, maybe there was something wrong with doses or it was just my body rejecting the substance, because I ended up throwing up that thing.

Anyway I really appreciate the information you have given to me.

P.D. can I get an invitation to the discord? I would like to keep digging in this kind of topics. Thanks.